There’s a quiet kind of grief that comes with chronic illness. It doesn’t always show up as sadness. Sometimes it shows up as longing. For who you used to be. For the life you planned. For the version of yourself who could just go, do, be—without needing to pause or explain.
Maybe you’ve whispered things to yourself like: “I just want my old self back.” Or… “I don’t even recognize who I am anymore.”
You’re not alone in that. But what if the answer isn’t found in going back? What if healing starts when we turn towardwho we’re becoming?
The Myth of Going Back. Our culture loves a comeback story. One where people bounce back, return to “normal,” or defeat the odds and pick up right where they left off. But chronic illness rarely works like that. And the truth is—sometimes we don’t go back. Sometimes we become. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost yourself. It means your identity is evolving.
You Are Still You—Just a Truer Version. You might be quieter now. Or more attuned to your needs. You might have new boundaries. New perspectives. New gentleness. That’s not weakness—it’s wisdom. You’re not broken. You’re becoming. Even in limitation, there is deep capacity for growth. Sometimes the work isn’t reclaiming who you were—it’s recognizing who you are now, and learning to love that person.
Coaching Through Identity Shifts. In my coaching work, I often support people navigating invisible grief and identity shifts. I don’t come with blueprints or checklists. I come with presence, partnership, and questions that invite clarity. Together, we explore:
- Who are you now, in this season of your life?
- What do you want to carry forward?
- What would it look like to stop proving and start being?
These are the questions that change lives—not overnight, but over time.
If this post resonates, I invite you to spend time with my free journaling companion: Embracing Who You’re Becoming. It’s designed to help you name and honor the parts of you that have changed—and to begin embracing the version of you that’s emerging. Because even now, your life is worth living. Your story is worth telling. And your becoming is worth celebrating.
And if you’re looking for ongoing support, the Navigating Chronic Illness with Heart and Hope video series of Grief.TV is here for you—one breath, one reflection, one note at a time.
Until then—
With Heart and Hope,
Valerie
